No bueno
We like todiscourage pre-ordering video games. Sometimes games are broken. Sometimes games suck. No one needs to fork over money before they know the final verdict.
However, sometimes video games use their pre-order siren song to lure you in with possibilities of a free island. Yes, a free island. That’s what Square Enix is offering withJust Cause 3— a free goddamn island.
Let’s parse through this bit by bit.
Those who pre-orderJust Cause 3(or get a hold of the Day 1 edition), will have access to a code that enters them into a three-month contest. Over the course of those three months, they try to accrue as many “Chaos Points” as they can. Basically, they have to blow up as much stuff as possible — something thatJust Cause 3encourages at every turn.
At the end of February 2016, a winner is chosen and awarded their own island. That is, provided that they followed all of the rules which include not letting other people play for them and taking safety breaks (15 minutes every hour, kids).
Additionally, there are costs associated with getting this probably-uninhabitable island. Again, straight from the horse’s mouth:“All taxes and fees associated with purchasing and obtaining of Island (including but not limited to attorney’s fees,escrow,and closing costs) are the responsibility of the Winner.”
The kicker is that the projected value of the island is anywhere up to $50,000. Thefirst Google resultfor “buy an island” lists an acre-sized parcel of landoff the coast of Mainefor about $40,000. It’s mostly rocks. I don’t know what the hell you’re supposed to do with that.
So, now you’ve playedJust Cause 3for three straight months, paid closing costs and attorneys’ fees on your $50,000 chunk of earth, but what’s next? Are you going to live there? You should maybe make a hut of some sort. There won’t be electricity — something that you likely rely upon considering you won a contest for playing a video game for 12 straight weeks. According tothis article, part-time island living requires between 30,000 and 100,000 gallons of water a year. I guarantee that ain’t cheap.
You know who has it good in this scenario? Residents of Mexico. If they win, they have to accept the prize as cash. I’d take $50,000 cash. I would not take the goddamn island, though.
