Elder Scrolls 9was the best one
In case you haven’t heard,there’s been a whole thing with Microsoft and the FTC going on. Something about companies buying other companies, I don’t know, sounds like another day of capitalism to me. The important thing for those of us whose legal knowledge begins and ends with watching 2001’sLegally Blondehas been theinadvertent game reveals that just can’t stop popping up. Yet despite all the juicy news, the most recent “leak” has fascinated me on a profound level, even though I’m certain it does not exist.
As transcribed byThe Verge, a lawyer representing Microsoft wanted to correct the FTC on some potential misconceptions. The result is this utterly amazing quote.
Could I clarify one issue that counsel raised with you, when you were asking about Zenimax and asked him to find a game that was most similar to Xbox, he mentionedElder Scrolls. That is incorrect. There are twoElder Scrollsgames, one is online calledElder Scrolls Online— that is a multiplayer game, it is on PlayStation today. The game he’s talking aboutElder Scrolls 16… the projected release is 2026 as a single-player game. It is not anywhere similar toCall of Duty, which as you know is multiplayer and multi-platform.
Look, I get this is a bit out of context, so I’ll give the lawyer some benefit of the doubt here. But if you think I’m not going to take this opportunity to joke aboutElder Scrolls 16with you then I won’t even finish-
Chapter 1:Morrowind
Firstly, nothing has ever made me contemplate my mortality more than the sheer thought ofThe Elder Scrolls 16existing. My first memory of the series was withThe Elder Scrolls 3:Morrowindon the original Xbox.
For those who never played this classic RPG, it tasks players with dicking around to increase their stats until they are strong enough to kill all the guards and become mayor of every town. At least, that was my takeaway when I was 13. The internet has since told me that there was apparently a storyline in that game. I’m going to need at least five sources on that before I believe it.
I got a bit off track there. The point is, that was so long ago thatMorrowindis allowed to drink in the United States now. Yet we haven’t even seen footage ofThe Elder Scrolls 6, let alone16. By my estimation, if Bethesda does nothing but work onElder Scrollsgames, we should realistically expectElder Scrolls 16roughly 12 minutes before the heat death of the universe.
I already ran out of chapter names
Let’s not get away from the other important reveal here: “it is not anywhere similar toCall of Duty.” Oh thank god. I’ve been worried about that one. Easily my biggest complaint aboutSkyrimwas that it was way too similar toCall of Duty. They’re both in first-person, you can shoot things in both, I rest my case.
Personally, I hopeElder Scrolls 16goes in a whole new direction. First, they gotta change that camera. Put it in a dedicated third-person view so the camera can really zoom out and show you battle arenas. Second, spice up that combat. Even if you have to scale down the RPG elements, making enemy encounters fast and frantic would really bring a lot of new fans to the series. Third, for the story, I think they should watchGame of Thronesand I just realized I’m describingFinal Fantasy XVI.
I dunno, I still think it’s a good idea.
Chapter 16: I’ll be serious now (maybe)
So obviously you can chalk much of this quote up to a mistake. ByElder Scrolls 16, obviously the lawyer meantThe Elder Scrolls 6. That is a video game that we may, theoretically, see before we leave this mortal coil. One could treat this as a leak, and believeThe Elder Scrolls 6will launch in 2026.
Now… at this point, I could toss out quotes by Phil Spencer and the like that might conflict with this claim. But frankly, I don’t think I need to. In a world in whichStarfieldhasn’t even launched yet, I cannot close my eyes, really focus on the words, and say “TheElder Scrolls 6is coming out in 2026” without cackling like I just sawMega Man take a bullet for Abraham Lincoln. There is no way in all seven of the hells thatThe Elder Scrolls 6will come out in 2026. I’d be pleasantly surprised if the thing even comes out within this decade.
In short, I’m left with the sinking suspicion that Microsoft did not hire this lawyer based on their Xbox GamerScore. And if you see anyone that takes any stock in their claims, kindly tell them that they are wrong. But what do I know, I just write about video games. The last good video game I played wasTiny Toon Adventures: Buster Busts Loosefor the SNES, and honestly, Todd Howard better come prepared if he wants the nextElder Scrollsto clear that bar.
[Special thanks to our Freelancer Andrew Heaton for tipping us about this story.]
